I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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