im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Randomize
