Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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