shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize