I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
