Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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