Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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