she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
