I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
