Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
