why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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