I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've blown a few things in my day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
