You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
