Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
