so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
