i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
