Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
