I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
