I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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