apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
