I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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