Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
