The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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