I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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