Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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