i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize