I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
