She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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