whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
