I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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