just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
