Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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