you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
