"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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