so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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