Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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