Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
