the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He better not be in your backpack
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize