Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
