I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
