I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hippo gnu deer
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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