Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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