This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
