And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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