Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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