I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
