I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
