he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
