don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
