Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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