I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
