i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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