everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize