just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
