An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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