i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
