So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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