I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
