my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
