His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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