im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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