wakey wakey hands off snakey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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