is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
