I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
