I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
