; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
