I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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