Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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