Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
