and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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